These past several years I’ve had several talented managers reach out to me about how to deal with some very stressful situations that they experienced in their organizations. In each situation, these individuals experienced a significant loss–a promotion, organizational credibility, the friendship of some colleagues they valued, their job, etc. They were naturally hurt and confused.

As I worked with them, I was struck by their ability to acknowledge any of their own failings as a manager (that’s positive) and by their tendency to spend too much time experiencing anger or sadness about what occurred to them (that’s not so positive). (While it is critical that we acknowledge our emotions and allow ourselves the right to be angry and sad, we need to make constructive use of these emotions.)

As I worked with these managers, it became clear that whether they were angry or sad, they were each stuck in the pain of their loss.  It wasn’t what they felt that was counterproductive. You feel what you feel! It was what they were doing with their emotion that was unproductive.

They were paralyzed by their emotions–unable to turn back the hands of time and unable to move forward to a different way of doing things. These talented individuals were missing one vital workplace (and life) survival skill—reframing. They were unable to put a different frame on their situation–particularly a positive frame on what happened to them (positive reframing).

What is Reframing?

Reframing is a critical skill for leadership and management. It’s essential for problem solving and it even encourages workplace innovation and creativity. So, what is reframing? It’s reconsidering your situation in a positive light. It’s making lemonade out of lemons! Reframing is a way to turn any difficult situation into new opportunities. With reframing, you take power back from others and make something positive out of your not-so-positive situation. Instead of remaining stuck in the strong emotion that you feel, you use your strong emotion  to make positive changes in your life both internally and externally.

For example, if your peers have taken advantage of you in your organization (as occurred with one of these managers), you decide to let go of how badly they treated you and examine your own actions. As you move beyond your hurt, you realize that you are too accommodating and the “sharks” can see you coming. With this self awareness, you decide to make something positive out of what occurred to you. You also decide to no longer be naive and dismiss organizational politics.  With a new resolve, you start setting appropriate limits with others to prevent them from taking advantage of you. Through reframing, you’ve made your peers your personal development coaches. You’ve taken their power over you from them!

Reframing is not easy to do especially when you are suffering from the wrongful actions of others. It takes a great deal of emotional intelligence to move from pain to constructive action. Fortunately, like everything else you do, the more you practice reframing, the more it becomes second nature to you. You’ll still feel the emotions (you are human after all) only you won’t let the emotions you feel paralyze you. Reframing is how you can turn any difficult situation into new opportunities!  I’ll share with you the same advice I gave these managers:

Whatever your current reality is, make it work for you instead of against you.